Nostalgia’s Tango

For a while, dear reader, I felt this quiet yet roaring ache of longing, a longing for a life beyond closed doors.

I feel like as time goes by I drown deeper in my memories’ oceans. As there are days where I find life pointless, not in a lonely way but from a perspective of feeling deeply lost. Then suddenly the cinema lights are switched off and the film inspired by my heart starts rolling.

I recall every spontaneous memory, every interaction with a stranger that left my heart feeling a different kind of warmth.

I recall spending every Thursday hanging out with my best friend. That was the highlight of my week for 4 years, nothing ever beat her company.

I recall a simple day out with my mother, then running into a friend that I had instantly clicked with months ago.

I recall the warmth I found in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” as a child. That was my very first comfort movie.

I recall experiencing my first ever panic attack, then this lovely lady that I had never met walks into the restaurant’s bathroom and she hugs me, then she uttered, “الدنيا ما بتستاهل.” She wiped my tears and offered me her company. In that moment I did not feel weak, I felt human and to this day, I think of her kindness.

I recall life before grief and displacement occurred out of the blue but if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have learned how to wear gratitude like a locket necklace around my neck. Nostalgia made me view life as wonderful, not because it’s all “roses and unicorns” but because despite the difficult days, everything passes and all we have left are memories, no matter how dreaded. I think part of who I am is inspired by my memories.

Though it itches my brain that I’m not more than a poet, art through my eyes is reflective of an individual’s viewpoints, experiences, dreams, perspectives. The fear of remaining in a square-sized box of labels haunts every bit of my being. To love and create is what we are here for, to run after what we love. Maybe for now, my memories will keep me company.

Nostalgia did not trap me within a tower of memories, it reminded me that every memory made no matter how distant or lengthy should never be taken for granted.

I made a home out of nostalgia and it was not melancholic but safe.